i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
