I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
