I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
