This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
