but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
