ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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