would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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