Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize