I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
