All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
