I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
