I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize