New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Acid is not a monday night drug
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
