Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
My ATM looks so different sober.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
