im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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