sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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