All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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