You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
