My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
