If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
