My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
