I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
