I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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