We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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