You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
