i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
