We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
