when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
