Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
