so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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