i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Drunk is a universal language darling
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
