The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
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