I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
