24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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