Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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