You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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