I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
