I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize