Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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