You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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