Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
