she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
