Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
