you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
