so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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