i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
