the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
