That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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