chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
