Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
