alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
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