My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
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