so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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