it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
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I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Sext me about skeletons
Success! We fucked roommates!
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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