That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
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