He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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