puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
