You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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