i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
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It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
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She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
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