I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
