Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
