There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
