i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
