I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
