rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
