Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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