My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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