why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
