Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
COCAINE IS GR8
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
