one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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