Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
