I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You can't just leave with hair like that
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
