I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
