i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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