none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Randomize
