We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
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Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
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You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
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